Things that aren’t okay …

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My little sister has as many tattoos as me now. That’s two. She got two in one month. I got two in theee years. Is it bad I’m mad about this. 

Stormin to the party like my name is El Nino

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10 point to anyone who started to sing along to the title of this post. On this episode of Meghan goes to concerts…..Meghan is going to see Sum41, Pierce the Veil, and Emarosa in May! Woohoo.

Fun fact about my new apartment. It’s less than a mile from an awesome concert venue call The Fillmore. This concert in like 3 days after I move in 🙂 I plan to go to many many more in the future since I’m now walking distance and all!

That’s all I got for now. Here are some songs from each of the bands I’ll be seeing.

 

Sum41: Fat Lip (super popular…you should know this song)

 

Pierce the Veil: Caraphernelia (ft the lead singer of my fav band)

 

Emarosa: Sure

 

 

Honorable mention:

I’m not actually seeing this band but I’ve been jamming out to them a lot lately. So I thought I would post a song from them too.

Burden of a Day: The same in Shedding Wool

 

 

Single Schmingle: Conversations with Hey Meghan

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So Jess and I are starting a post about being in your mid 20s, being awkward and dating!

 

I did kind of a sad thing yesterday. I googled “How to Casually Date”. Some of you may be on the same train. If so, welcome aboard the Casually Dating Express. There are no Chocolate Frogs, Pumpkin…

Source: Single Schmingle: Conversations with Hey Meghan

Realizing 

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Realizing that you’re completely alone is one the most numbing and scariest things. That’s what I’m sitting here feeling at 6:40am. Before my talk there was still a glimmer of hope. I didn’t have to fully face these feelings. Now there is none. 

I know that I am not actually alone. I have so many people in my life that love and support me. I’m alone in the fact that I no longer have someone to cuddle in the middle  of the night. No one to hug and kiss. No one to hold my hand. The thought that I’m going to have to put myself out there and be vulnerable with another person again one day terrifies me. I’m am not an open and vulnerable person. Like I said in my last post, for now I will let myself hurt and be a little numb and sad. It’s part of the healing process. It will take time. 

As for NBF. We will just call him JM now. He will still be a part of my life. We have the same friends. We play on the same soccer team. We will have to see each other if we want to or not. He understands and respects the fact that I am going to need my time and space. I would like to be friends with him again and I know he would really like that too. If that was the one thing we had it was a strong friendship. It has always been very easy to talk to one another. To share our deepest darkest secrets. Even in our talk last night he still shared a very dark and painful secret with me. As strong as our friendship is though, it is never easy to be friends with and ex. How do you be friends with someone that you had a physical, mental, emotional and well… sexual relationship with? It’s not an easy thing. This is just something I will have to take one day at a time. 

M

Life

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One of the hardest things in life is having someone tell you that they care about you but they don’t see a future with you anymore.  Sadly, that has happened to me twice now in the last few years. First with YOU and now with NBF.

I haven’t written in a while. I know. A lot has been going on. Life has been happening. First there is the NBF component. About a month ago we had a big falling out. We tried to fix things but that lasted for only a week or two. It ultimately ended in him being shitty and me saying I never wanted to speak to him again. We all know that didn’t happened. We talked a little but I was still very angry and needed time. Tonight we finally sat down face to face and talked about everything. Ultimately, it came down to him saying that he cared about me,  but he just couldn’t picture a future with me like he could have with his other two serious relationships. He really wanted to but he just couldn’t. It really hurt to hear that, but deep down I felt the same. Something was just missing. With YOU I would dream about a future. With NBF I never really did. Part of me always knew it would never really work. But, I guess part of me wanted it to at least work a little while longer. Having someone tell you that is a painful thing. I never wish that upon anyone. In the end, it needed to be said though. I happy that he was finally able to be honest with how he felt. It doesn’t make it any less painful.

That was the main thing that’s been happening but there are other “life” things too:

2)I am moving at the end of April. This is something I am very excited about. I will still be in Maryland but I will be more on the DC/Maryland side. I will be a block away from the metro and have easier access to the city. I will also have a roommate and be a lot closer to most of my friends.

3) I am going to be an aunt!!!!!!! My bff/sister-in-law is expecting. I’m so excited. I absolutely cannot wait to be an aunt.

4) The depression and anxiety portion of my life has had it’s ups and downs. For the most part, the depression is gone. The anxiety still has it’s days. I got on medicine and that has been helping. Honestly, going to therapy and being on medicine has helped a lot. I hate them both, but they have made a big difference. I guess that’s part of being an adult. Sometimes you have to do things to better yourself….even if you don’t like it. The anxiety has also taken a toll on my weight. I’ve dropped about 10lbs in the last month. Granted, I’ve gained some back. I’ve also lot some again though. The lowest weight I’ve hit in a long time was 117lbs. For a while I was bouncing around 125-127. I’ve now solidly been around 120ish. I need to get better at eating more than 1.5 meals a day. I’m working on it.

I have more to talk about but I honestly just want to sleep right now. I’m sad and I know I will be for a little bit. I’m human. It’s normal. Hopefully I’ll write more once life slows down some.

 

-M

Song Roulette

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This post was inspired by Paul. Basically I put my music on shuffle and write about it. Sooo here we go. PS: I’m cheating slightly because I have some music on my phone I’ve still never listened to.

1) Late Night Conversations- The Forecast
-I remember hearing this song first when I was on my way to senior prom. I instantly loved. My favorite line is ” Let’s drink, to our fallen friends, to or failures, and our futures”.

2)Little Talks- Of Monsters and Men 
– This song it catchy. How can you not love this song. I remember listening to it at lunch with my fellow camp counselors that summer I lived with YOU. I just remember us all smiling and singing along to it. It still makes me smile to this day.

3)The Suffering- Coheed & Cambria
– okay first off I never realized how odd this music video was and I also never realized how big the lead signers hair is! It’s bigger than mine! I first heard this song when I was in ummmm high school?? I shamelessly jam out to this song at 5am in my car. Try not to sing along. I dare you.

4) Easy- The Dirty Heads
-The Dirty Heads are one of my favorite bands ever. They are an odd mixture of reggae and hiphop. It just works though. Don’t ask. This song is just one of the happy upbeat songs. It makes me wish I was back in South Carolina on the beach. I’ve also seen this band live at least three times.

5) The Blue Channel- Taking Back Sunday
-Not may favorite song from them but it’s still off my favorite album from them. I have also seen them live. This is quickly turning into what bands Meghan has seen.

6) Secret Valentine- We the Kings
-Oh my emo high school days. I have always hoped for a Valentine and this song gave little emo Meghan hope a pretty boy will shaggy hair and a guitar would write me a song like this as a gift. OHHH MEGHAN….

7) Crazy Little Thing Called Love- Queen
-Love is stupid. I’m pretty sure I first heard this on a movie.

8) Good Night and Go- Imogen Heap
– My bff introduced me to this artist when I was like 14 or 15. It reminds me of fall. I couldn’t tell you why but it does. It is on all of my fall playlists. I also have never watched the music video until today. It’s super weird and I love it!

9) Fast Forward to 2012 – A Day to Remember
AWW man I wish my phone picked another song. I love all A Day to Remember but I don’t have much to say about this particular song. I did see a lot of tattoos inspired by this song when the album first came out.

10) Congratulations- Sleeping With Sirens
– I actually just heard this song within the last year. I’ve apparently had it on my phone for a while though. I always enjoy Sleeping with Sirens and I mean Kellin Quinn….DROOL. Just me ? Okay then…..

11) Big Casino- Jimmy Eat World
-This song was my anthem when going away to college. I liked how they talked about getting away and being successful. Most of the people I went to school with stayed local for college (AKA still in Virginia). I wanted to be anywhere but VA…so I went to school 5 hours away in South Carolina. I regret nothing. “I’m the one who gets away. I’m a New Jersey  Virginia success story”. This song is also on my fall playlist….

12) Heathers Song- Andy McKee
-I love Andy McKee and all of his work. He is an amazing guitarist. I listen to this song when I need to relax or can’t sleep. Actually I listen to this whole album. If you liked the movie August Rush you will like this song and this artist.  I’m also linking Art of Motion because it’s my all time favorite from him and needs to be shared.

13) Like A Boss- Lonely Island
-If you want to pee your pants laughing watch this song/listen to it. I love Andy Samberg and Lonely Island. I may have been rapping this song with my friend….yesterday……

14) Bluebirds- Life of Dillion
-This is such an underrated song. You may know Life of Dillon from their song Overloaded. This is probably my second favorite song from them. Low key going to quote a photo with “just a couple bluebirds wasting time”. Now you will know my secret meaning.  Again, I wish someone would write me a song like this.

15) Equals- Set Your Goals
-More angsty emo Meghan music (that I still love). My good friend Cavin got me hooked on this band the summer we graduated from High School. Cavin, myself and our friend Joe used to spend countless summer nights just driving around and listening to this song.

16) The Reason- Hoobastank
-The cliché love song. I kind of hate this song but I kind of love it. I always imagined all my ex’s thinking this. Maybe they did. Who knows! Who cares?

17) 1,2,3,4 – Plain White T’s
-NO NO NO. Okay 15 year old emo Meghan…..you’re embarassing yourself now. Just nope.

18) (If you’re wondering if I want you to) I Want You To-Weezer
– great song. It’s yet another you sing-a-long with. That’s all.

19) Damn regret The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
This quickly took a turn to teenage Meghan’s playlist. I would secretly jam out this this in 11th grade Biology and doodle out lyrics with my friend. Still jam out to it. No shame.

20) Until the Day I Die- Story of the Year
This takes me back to Middle School. I wore lot’s of eyeliner and jammed out to this song. It may have also been my ringtone with my cool little flip phone.

21) Since U Been Gone- A Day to Remember
YESSSS. If I remember correctly, this song is how I originally discovered ADTR. I’ve always wanted to recreate this video but a girl version. I have it all directed out in my head.

22)Happy Holidays You Bastard- Blink182
Yet anther band I saw live. This song always makes me laugh. I had posted a video of two presents under my tree with this song in the background. I thought I was pretty funny.

23) Santeria-Sublime
Everybody sing a long now. You all know the words.

24) Pop Lock and Drop It-Huey ?
I’m just sitting here dying laughing. I have a secret love for terrible early 2000’s rap. It reminds me of middle school. My bff was big into rap. She made a CD of a bunch of rap songs and it included this song. I still have a playlist on Itunes call “All the rap I have”. It include artist like Lil John and more Lil John. Sometimes I have a really cool dance party alone in my car to this playlist.

25) Gonna Be A Blackout Tonight-Dropkick Murphys
*** breaks out in mini dance mosh thing alone on the couch** Who doesn’t love angry Irish (but from Boston) men singing??

26) Taint – The Dirty Heads
I was going to stop at 25 but this song make it solely because of the lyric “Now I’m stuck between an asshole and a dick just like a taint”. Dirty, I know. I still find it funny.

 

My phone is dying so I’m stopping there. How many songs did you guys know?? None? Yeah probably. There you go Paul!