Month: August 2014

Blurbs

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As I mentioned I’ll probably just be writing blurbs for a bit. I’m trying to keep myself busy. I must say that the one thing this heartbreak has brought me is the realization that there is nothing holding me back anymore. There is nothing holding me here. I can go where ever I want. I’ve wanted to explore the world but never wanted to stray too far from “you” in fear of losing you. Well I lost you so yeah.

Now, it’s time to do what I want. Focus on my dreams and my dreams only. One dream of mine is to live on a boat for a while. Tomorrow I’m going to one of my happy places (the river) to try living on my friends boat for the night. My friends dad is trying to eventually sell this boat to me so this is a test run to see if investing a lot of time and money (I don’t have) is worth it. I’m excited, but sleeping out there means being alone and I feel I shouldn’t take my NyQuil when I’m out there. I’ve been taken that most night to sleep better ( I’ve been congested) and so I don’t dream. When I do dream “you” always seems to make a guest appearance. Ugh.

It’s been one week since we said goodbye. It feels like it’s been longer than that. I wonder if this was hard on you. I wonder if you think about me and miss me.

-m

Sooo here’s the thing…

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I would apologize for all the depressing posted lately but hey it’s my blog so I’m going to be as damn depressing as I please. I’m in a rough place right not…obviously. I go from days where I feel fine…to days where I want to have a panic attack and cry. Eventually, I will write a full post explaining the events of last weekend that led up to my current heart break. But for now, I’m not.  Right now my posts will be short blurbs with horrible grammar because thats what I feel like. So yeah…. 

 

 

I’ll be in touch 

And now you’re gone. It feels so wrong. Just like before, I’ll move on.

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Is this all a game?
I hate that you see me this way.
I am followed, I am lost.
Where I go, I’ll never know.

Was it a mistake?
Too many nights are left this way.
I’m all ready, give me hope.
You don’t like to sleep alone.

You trade a taste like currency,
So blinded by,
Lie here awake at night.

And I knew the cost,
And I’ll have no remorse.
And just like before, 
I’ll move on.

Cause it takes a while to stop waiting up,
To get over the need.
Your loss, wasting time with you.
But I’ll take a life for you,
To spend my life with you.
And in the end, 
you always leave.

It was my mistake,
To let in the pouring rain.
The window never seems to close,
I never seem to get away.

Always the same,
Proud of my distant memories
With the clowning around
I’m allowed to learn.

And on this road,
And in this place,
I promise that I would never play it safe.

And now you’re gone,
It feels so wrong.
Just like before, 
I’ll move on.

Cause it takes a while to stop waiting up,
To get over the need,
Your loss, wasting time with you.
But I’ll take a life for you,
To spend my life with you,
And in the end you’ll..

Emotions gone,
I swear that I’ve moved on,
Take me all this way,
And tonight you can stay.
Cause you know what it feels like,
When you’ve gotten so cold on the inside.
Whoa, I’ll give away like this tonight..
This away.. Ohh.. Tonight..
(I will move on)

And I.. I will move on.
And I will move on.
I will move on.
I will move on.

Cause it takes a while to stop waiting up
To get over the need,
Your loss, wasting time with you.
But I’ll take a life for you
To spend my life with you,
And in the end you always leave.

 

It’s hard to wake up

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Today it is hard to wake up. Within 5 minutes of waking up tears were already streaming down my face. You’re gone. You’re gone for good. Well, actually I’m the one that left. How do you move on from your first love. Someone that has been a significant part of your life for the last 4 years. How do you move on from someone who doesn’t love you anymore.  

 

Today is hard. Yesterday I was numb. Today the pain has set in. You’re gone. Forever.

 

 

Heartbroken

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I’ve loved and I’ve lost. This time readers I have lost. I still really haven’t accepted it yet. I’m still numb. I know waking up tomorrow will be painful. Toady I heard the words I’ve been fearing I would hear for while now.

“I don’t love you anymore” 

 

I’m broken. I don’t really know what to say. I don’t really know where to go from here. For now all I can do is curl up in a ball and let myself do something I probably do enough. Cry. 

 

_broken M

Bad dreams

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Waking up from bad dreams is not a good way to start today, especially when I already have some anxiety about this weekend. All I can do is say some prayers and let the cards fall where they may. Whatever is going to happen will happen.

Xoxo,
M