Month: December 2014
Oh 2014. I’m sorry to say this but I am happy you are over. You have been a year of many ups and downs. Let’s review :
- I started off 2014 with my last semester of senior year of college. It was a scary and exciting time. I was applying to grad school and looking into jobs. I thought a year of new possibilities was ahead of me.
- In February I got a job in my school’s environmental quality lab. I had spent the previous semester interning for class credit. They liked me enough that they decided to pay me. It was a nice job. I set my own hours, the work wasn’t hard, and it was a great learning experience.
- Around April I heard back from grad school. I didn’t get in. I was sad but I kind of expected it. I still had some classes to take that I hadn’t as an undergrad. I was going to try again. They liked me but my grades just weren’t quiet there…YET.
- May came around and I was excited. I had gotten a job interview the week before graduation. It was a great job and it was in Maryland. I graduated a week later and was so excited and hopeful. I had high hopes about this job interview and moving to Maryland was my goal. I loved the area and it would put me minutes away from YOU. The boy I had being dating on and off since freshman year. I had high hopes that if I got a job and moved closer that maybe we could get back together for good and make it work. Previously, the distance and some other factors made it too hard for us.
- Late May to early June. I didn’t hear back from the job after my interview aka I didn’t get it. I was bummed but I hadn’t lost hope yet. I was offered my intern position again from the previous summer. I was content with that. It was good pay, I loved the job, I got to work on a boat all summer, and I worked with some pretty cool people. I thought I would apply for more jobs near the end of my internship.
- Mid summer I could sense things weren’t quite right between YOU and I. There was an awkward tension. Something was off. In mid August we finally decided to sit down and talk about things. That was the talk the absolutely broke my heart. I knew at the time that things weren’t really right for us but I still had hope for a future, he on the other hand did not. He said the words that I knew were coming but I didn’t want to hear ” I don’t love you anymore. I only care about you as a friend. I don’t really see us having a future”. I was crushed. I told him I couldn’t be a part of his life anymore because I still care way more than I should at this point. He gave me a hug goodbye and I said have a nice life. I left…for good.
- September was hard. I was sad and lonely. I was numb. Thank God for my best friends. My best friend Megan didn’t start classes in Wales until late September so she insisted I come to Tennessee for a couple days to get away and get my mind off of things. I had a great time with her and it was just what I needed. I wasn’t sad. I was content. I was trying to accept things. I got a text from YOU mid month. I didn’t answer. Oh yeah, my mom and I also got into a big fight and she told me I would have to start paying rent if I didn’t move in January.
- In October things were slowly getting better. Me and Cait were hanging out a lot so I was staying busy. October is my favorite month and I’m always busy with halloween related things. I got another text from YOU around the same time in October. I still didn’t answer. I was hurt and I was angry at this point. I felt so used, betrayed, hurt, and lost. One of the few people I really trusted and felt comfortable with let me down in the worst kind of way. Whatever. I stayed busy and I stayed numb.
- November started off lovely because it was my birthday. I remember dancing around Cait’s living room in my halloween costume to “Whats my age again” right when the clock struck midnight and it became November 1st. I was 23! That is one of the few times this ye
ar I remember being blissfully happy. For those brief few minutes I didn’t have a care in the world. I was dancing around like a mad women (or skeleton b/c I was one for halloween) and I was happy. Once I was done dancing, I was surprised to find a text on my phone time stamped 12:04am from none other than YOU. I was shocked. I really hadn’t expected to hear from him at all since I never responded to his other messages. I wrote a quick thank you and continued on with my dancing. Thanksgiving was surprisingly not bad. Holidays with my family are normally super stressful. I contributed the good holiday to the fact one of my best friends from school, Carly, came to visit.
- December came quicker than I was ready for. It was a busy month with all of it’s hustle and bustle. I got to see one of my favorite bands live and it was incredible in the beginning of December. I would like to say that Christmas went as smoothly as Thanksgiving did but that’s wishful thinking with my family. Ten minutes into opening gifts Christmas morning my mom and sister when in a screaming and I mean SCREAMING fight. My sister was being a cranky brat per usual and yelled at my mom. My mom got upset and told her to stop being such a bitch. Then the screaming “I HATE YOU’S” began. They both stormed off into different rooms. I assumed Christmas was over and was about to just get in my car and drive away. I wanted nothing to do with Christmas with them anymore. They came back about 15 minutes later, said their sorries, and acted like nothing happened. Like I said, I was over Christmas with them already. They had ruined it. I stayed anyways and continued with gifts to prevent another fight. The rest of the day went more smoothly. We spent the rest of the day with my dad and his family and it was wayyy more relaxed. OH YEAH! The big news! I never mentioned that?!?! Well right at midnight on Christmas Eve my brother asked Cait to MARRY HIM!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! YAYYAYAYYAYAYAY! That means Cait and I will be officially sisters (in-laws) soon. We already spend 50% of our time together anyways. Oh yeah. I also talked to YOU a little more. We had a fairly long conversation one day. It was nice to hear from him. I still don’t really know how I feel about all of it though. It still really hurts sometimes but I’m better than I was before. I’m not angry anymore. I would like to be able to be friends or something one day. We will see how that goes. For now, I’m sticking to being selfish and only worrying about myself. It’s better that way.
I hope everyone has a happy and safe New Year. It is now time that I commence drinking heavily to forget about 2014 and welcome in 2015.
Ewwww ahhhhh my smart self figured it out! I’ll try and write a 2014 summary post tomorrow. Maybe. No promises. I have a lot to do tomorrow.
Thanks for all the love from my little blog and I. If I don’t end up posting tomorrow it’s probably because I’ll be making out (aka drinking) with my main man Mr. Jack Daniels (whiskey for all you nondrinkers… me dating is a hilarious joke). ANYWAY. HAPPY NEW YEAR.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 710 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 12 trips to carry that many people.
With all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season I haven’t been eating as well as I should or working out. My ass will be in a bathing suit on a nice warm beach in less then one week so I decided to make a nice healthy lunch.
I made myself :
- some kale chips
- fresh mozzarella and cucumbers with Italian dressing on the side
- A green smoothie
Things that were in my smoothie:
- Hand full of blueberries
- Coconut almond milk
Kale is essentially the theme of this meal because I bought a bunch last week and it would be bad soon.
If you read my last post you can see I’m feeling oh so angsty right now( currently removed it). OOPS. There are other factors contributing to that…well besides my parents being pains in the butt. YAY being a female. I get rather cranky around this time. OOPS again. Now, I am just writing and rambling because I’m tired but don’t want to sleep yet. I left the movies I wanted to watch downstairs and don’t feel like venturing out of my room for them again. I’ll probably settle for my usual of watching Parks and Rec on my laptop until I fall asleep. I would go use the wii and the big tv but my sister is in there and she’s been annoying lately. On another note I got her hooked on Parks and Rec too. She’s been using the Netflix on our wii (not technically our account) to watch it all. On another random note, my friend from high school will be on the series finale of that show. I tell him on a regular basis how jealous I am that Amy Poehler made eye contact with him on set. Side note: I’m currently reading her book and it is fabulous!
Let’s talk about things that make Meghan happy. Hair cuts make me happy. I’m getting one on New Years Eve. New year. New start. New hair. When ever I go through a stressful time (mainly breakups but this year has been stressful as a whole) I change one of the few things I can…my hair. I’m going for something new this time. We will see how it turns out!!
Ah I need sleep and to stop typing ridiculous rambling posts. Aren’t my rambling posts just lovely. You people must think I’m mad. Bonkers. Insane. Oh maybe I’ll watch Alice in Wonderland since we are on the topic of “mad” and “bonkers”.
Things on my mind and inner thoughts:
So much so much
I’m too impatient
I want things
Things I can’t have
Things I shouldn’t have
It’s rather frustrating
So many thoughts
Waiting on calls
Waiting on texts
Hoping for a message
Expecting too much
Getting too excited
Only to be disappointed
Wanting too much
I need to stop
Clear my head for a while
With all this rushing around I just need a break.
I just want to curl up in a dark room and watch a movie.
But I have nobody to cuddle
The lonely is coming back
Ignore it and go about your business Meghan.
Jobs will come soon and the lonely will pass.
You just need to get out of here.
I haven’t been posting much. I know I know. I’ve been busy. Super busy. The busy won’t really end until after the new year. I have lots of things to write about but I don’t really have the time. I’m also exhausted. I’ve have too much time with loud people and not enough sleep and quiet time. More posts will be coming sometime in January. I’ll probably be in hiatus till then.
Also my ass will be sitting in the sand on the equator (or close enough) in 8 days. Hello warm island.