Month: November 2016

I Never Thought I Would Have Internet Friends

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My dear friend Paul wrote this and it involves me and my post The blogging experiment  ! Read it and flood him with comments because he loves to respond to them 😉



When I was in Grade 6, MSN Messenger was starting to become really popular among my classmates. My head is still recovering from the incessant whines of, “Do you have MSN? What’s your M…

Source: I Never Thought I Would Have Internet Friends



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Well this the thanksgiving it’s safe to say I’ve had a lot of bombs dropped on me. It’s safe to say I need a lot more wine tonight and I don’t pay my therapist nearly enough. 

Tattoos (#2)

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I did it! I finally got tattoo # 2. (3and 4 are in the works 😉 )

This tattoo means a lot to me. It brings a smile to my face anytime I look down at my feet. The tattoo was originally inspired by the song Dark Days by the Dirty Heads (I’ll attache the video below). When I first heard the song I misheard the chorus. It goes a little something like:

I’ve been through the darkest places
Can’t track the time I’ve wasted Oh.
‘Cause that’s the only way I know.
I’ve walked through the darkest days and
somehow I’ve found my shade Oh.
‘Cause that’s the only way I know.

And no matter where I go
My past is still the same.
So It’s time to just let go.
Make way

When I first heard the song I originally thought the last line said “make waves”.  I instantly loved that being a marine biologist and  a sailor. I listened later only to find out I was wrong, but I still loved the idea. The song itself is about going through hard times but not letting the past stop you. That’s something I try to remind myself everyday. I put the tattoo on my feet because your feet are the first place you start. You have to take the first steps to make a change. Get it? See what I did there.

Here are the two singers of band discussing their song and the meaning:


If your wondering…no it didn’t really hurt. The worst part was near my heel.



The words in the song mean a lot to me. It’s the truth. No matter where I go, my past is still the same. It’s time to just let go. Make way.


A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor anyways. Bring on the waves ❤



It’s that time of year 

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It’s the time of the year again. It’s holiday season. If you’ve been reading this blog long enough you know how much I hate the holiday season. My parents are divorced thus making the holiday season well….. shitty. It’s a fight for time here and a guilt trip there. I spent Christmas Eve alone last year and it was the greatest thing ever. I had to have the holiday talk with my mom today and it had me sitting here hardcore rolling my eyes and sighing under my breathe. Thank god this convo was via that phone. My sister refuses to do things one way. It offends my mom is we do it that way. I’m sure my dad will be sad because my sister refuses to spend more than a few hours with him blah blah blah.   

Caitlin are you reading this. Can we just run away to Hawaii like we always said we would. 

I just hate the holidays. Ugh. 

Hell is freezing over 

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Well it’s Election Day. I need to roll myself out of bed and walk the whole 100 yards to the elementary school behind my apartment to vote. This is the first time I have ever voted in an election (note: I could have voted the first time Obama was elected). I am ashamed to even wear that “I voted” sticker because I’m embarrassed of both candidates. This is going to be an interesting day to say the least. 

I not going to share who I’m voting  for but I can say there is one candidate I hate less than the other. Who of my friends in other countries want to adopt me?! 

Love Letters to the Dead

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I just finished the book, “Love Letters to the Dead”. I’m not going to lie. It made me cry. I feel a connection with the main character, Laurel. She has all this pain inside of her and she doesn’t know how to talk. She doesn’t know how to open up. Her pain is from watching her sister die. Mine, well I don’t even know where to start. The book really spoke to me. I highly suggest reading it.

On that note, I finally did something for myself. I can feel the sadness creeping back and I don’t know why. I started the processing of seeing a therapist. I researched them last night and sent an email to a women that I thought would be a good match. I was shocked when she answered me back. It was nearly 10pm. She asked me to call her today so she could learn a little about me and tell me more about how all of this works.I snuck out of work this afternoon and talked to her for a few minutes in my car.  She asked me why I wanted to start therapy. I told her about my sister being in the hospital and how she was diagnosed with clinical depression. I told her how my dad also suffers from it and how my mom and others close to me agree I should probably get looked at myself. I told her how I have been struggling in the recent years with anxiety and depression. She agreed that it was a good idea that I see someone and she commended me on being brave enough and strong enough to make the first steps towards getting help. She asked if I could come next Thursday and sent me some paper work to fill out. I haven’t officially said yes yet but I am planning on it. She said to start she would want to see me once a week. After we both felt comfortable, she said I could decide to come every other week or what ever I felt comfortable with. Nobody but Carly (and now you guys) know about this. I guess I should tell my parents since it’s their insurance I’m still on. My dad still won’t even talk to me about what happened with my sister. I’m sure he knows I know by now. It’s weird.

For now I’ll just keep my silence. Part of me is so happy and content with life, but there is  a part of me that is still so sad. Still so angry. I want to be able to let those parts go.




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But maybe the little boy who needed someone to protect him never went away. You can be noble and brave and beautiful and still find yourself falling. 

-Love Letters to the Dead