Month: March 2017

Things that aren’t okay …

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My little sister has as many tattoos as me now. That’s two. She got two in one month. I got two in theee years. Is it bad I’m mad about this. 

Stormin to the party like my name is El Nino

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10 point to anyone who started to sing along to the title of this post. On this episode of Meghan goes to concerts…..Meghan is going to see Sum41, Pierce the Veil, and Emarosa in May! Woohoo.

Fun fact about my new apartment. It’s less than a mile from an awesome concert venue call The Fillmore. This concert in like 3 days after I move in 🙂 I plan to go to many many more in the future since I’m now walking distance and all!

That’s all I got for now. Here are some songs from each of the bands I’ll be seeing.

 

Sum41: Fat Lip (super popular…you should know this song)

 

Pierce the Veil: Caraphernelia (ft the lead singer of my fav band)

 

Emarosa: Sure

 

 

Honorable mention:

I’m not actually seeing this band but I’ve been jamming out to them a lot lately. So I thought I would post a song from them too.

Burden of a Day: The same in Shedding Wool

 

 

Single Schmingle: Conversations with Hey Meghan

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So Jess and I are starting a post about being in your mid 20s, being awkward and dating!

 

I did kind of a sad thing yesterday. I googled “How to Casually Date”. Some of you may be on the same train. If so, welcome aboard the Casually Dating Express. There are no Chocolate Frogs, Pumpkin…

Source: Single Schmingle: Conversations with Hey Meghan

Realizing 

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Realizing that you’re completely alone is one the most numbing and scariest things. That’s what I’m sitting here feeling at 6:40am. Before my talk there was still a glimmer of hope. I didn’t have to fully face these feelings. Now there is none. 

I know that I am not actually alone. I have so many people in my life that love and support me. I’m alone in the fact that I no longer have someone to cuddle in the middle  of the night. No one to hug and kiss. No one to hold my hand. The thought that I’m going to have to put myself out there and be vulnerable with another person again one day terrifies me. I’m am not an open and vulnerable person. Like I said in my last post, for now I will let myself hurt and be a little numb and sad. It’s part of the healing process. It will take time. 

As for NBF. We will just call him JM now. He will still be a part of my life. We have the same friends. We play on the same soccer team. We will have to see each other if we want to or not. He understands and respects the fact that I am going to need my time and space. I would like to be friends with him again and I know he would really like that too. If that was the one thing we had it was a strong friendship. It has always been very easy to talk to one another. To share our deepest darkest secrets. Even in our talk last night he still shared a very dark and painful secret with me. As strong as our friendship is though, it is never easy to be friends with and ex. How do you be friends with someone that you had a physical, mental, emotional and well… sexual relationship with? It’s not an easy thing. This is just something I will have to take one day at a time. 

M

Life

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One of the hardest things in life is having someone tell you that they care about you but they don’t see a future with you anymore.  Sadly, that has happened to me twice now in the last few years. First with YOU and now with NBF.

I haven’t written in a while. I know. A lot has been going on. Life has been happening. First there is the NBF component. About a month ago we had a big falling out. We tried to fix things but that lasted for only a week or two. It ultimately ended in him being shitty and me saying I never wanted to speak to him again. We all know that didn’t happened. We talked a little but I was still very angry and needed time. Tonight we finally sat down face to face and talked about everything. Ultimately, it came down to him saying that he cared about me,  but he just couldn’t picture a future with me like he could have with his other two serious relationships. He really wanted to but he just couldn’t. It really hurt to hear that, but deep down I felt the same. Something was just missing. With YOU I would dream about a future. With NBF I never really did. Part of me always knew it would never really work. But, I guess part of me wanted it to at least work a little while longer. Having someone tell you that is a painful thing. I never wish that upon anyone. In the end, it needed to be said though. I happy that he was finally able to be honest with how he felt. It doesn’t make it any less painful.

That was the main thing that’s been happening but there are other “life” things too:

2)I am moving at the end of April. This is something I am very excited about. I will still be in Maryland but I will be more on the DC/Maryland side. I will be a block away from the metro and have easier access to the city. I will also have a roommate and be a lot closer to most of my friends.

3) I am going to be an aunt!!!!!!! My bff/sister-in-law is expecting. I’m so excited. I absolutely cannot wait to be an aunt.

4) The depression and anxiety portion of my life has had it’s ups and downs. For the most part, the depression is gone. The anxiety still has it’s days. I got on medicine and that has been helping. Honestly, going to therapy and being on medicine has helped a lot. I hate them both, but they have made a big difference. I guess that’s part of being an adult. Sometimes you have to do things to better yourself….even if you don’t like it. The anxiety has also taken a toll on my weight. I’ve dropped about 10lbs in the last month. Granted, I’ve gained some back. I’ve also lot some again though. The lowest weight I’ve hit in a long time was 117lbs. For a while I was bouncing around 125-127. I’ve now solidly been around 120ish. I need to get better at eating more than 1.5 meals a day. I’m working on it.

I have more to talk about but I honestly just want to sleep right now. I’m sad and I know I will be for a little bit. I’m human. It’s normal. Hopefully I’ll write more once life slows down some.

 

-M