Timing is such a delicate thing. That is something I have learned in the last 25 years. Timing has never seemed to be on my side in the romance department. YOU was the only true love of my life (thus far) but the timing wasn’t right. We met each other too young and too immature. Then again, who knows if we even would have liked each other at this age?! The timing was never right with JM (formally referred to as NBF) either. Him and I were in such strong but yet fragile states when we met each other. We were both recovering from horrible breakups. I, sadly was much further along in that healing process. My friendship with JM has always been hard to describe to anyone who is not us. We have always been extremely close since the day we met. I don’t know how to describe it honestly. We just always connected. We were always able to talk…well that is we were about to talk about anything besides our own relationship.
What I haven’t told the blogging world is that I have been seeing someone new. We have been seeing each other for maybeeeeee a month now. I feel like he has a lot of potential though. I was very torn for a while. Another thing I didn’t share is the fact that I may have kind of sort of had a “whoopise” (or two) with JM) in the last month……….
YEAH I KNOW…..BAD MEGHAN………….
I have always believed that JM has loved me. I also don’t think he knew how to properly. I don’t know if that makes any sense but tonight just reinsured my theory. As I said, I have been seeing someone for the last month. It is not serious at the moment, but as of this past weekend, it seems to be taking a turn in that direction. I like this guy. He has just been checking off everything on the list that I have wanted in a guy. If you asked Jess or Myka, I have been stressed out. I didn’t know how to tell JM about this. YES I know he total fucked me over earlier this year. But, (yes I just started a sentence with but) he is also honestly one of my best friends and we have put that behind us. Yes, to the outside observer I sound insane. If you could ever see our friendship you would understand.
Tonight JM, my roommate and our other friend went to trivia night at a local bar. At the end of the night he pulled me aside and asked if we could talk for a minute. It is probably easier to type out a paraphrasing of the conversation.
JM: sooo can you promise me something? Please just don’t disappear on me. Even if you’re….you know
me: what do you mean??
Jm: I mean even if you’re seeing someone new please don’t just leave as a friend.
me: I’m not going anywhere but in complete honesty I am seeing someone right now.
JM: yeah….I figured that out a while ago. It been about a month or so hasn’t it.
Me: yep how did you know.
JM: Meghan I know you. I can read you so easily. I’ve known something was up. I am jealous but I know I can’t give you what you want or need right now. I probably couldn’t do that for at least another two years. I am jealous and I care about you but I want you to be happy. If this guy makes you happy then go for it. That what I want for you.
Him and I said that we would talk more tomorrow because it was getting late and his roommate was waiting in my kitchen. Long story short, I am happy him and I got to talk about this. I has been bothering me for a few days now. Now I can well move on with my life and yeah.
I don’t know.
I’m tired and this is all I have for now. I like this new guy a lot but I had my reservations because of things in the past with JM. It’s nice to know I can just move forward now.
I’m too tired to spell check or grammar proof this. More to come in the future though.