I just recently tweeted
“I can’t deal with life right now” if I could actually finish that tweet without society condemning me I would say. “I’m can’t deal with life right now. I’m dragging myself so I can sleep.”
No. Don’t worry. I don’t use kind of “hard drugs” or “real drugs”. My level of abuse, if you you even call it that, are drugs to make me sleep. I like to sleep. I can escape the real work for a while and sleeep.
If it sounds like I’m in a dark place I guess I kind of am. I’ve been dealing with a lot lately. I was in a “relationship” of shorts this summer and I fucked it up because I can communicate and share my emotions. Since then, I have been working hard to confront the “skeletons in my closet” and the “baggage” that has been holding me back. To say it has been easy would be a lie. It has actually been an extremely painful process. I’m doing this so one day maybe I can be open to and able to experience the love that I deserve. The truth is right now, I’m not ready. I hope one day I can be.
Wow this post got dark. Don’t worry guys. I’m on medicine and I’m seeing a therapist. I might be slightly crying while I type this on the metro. And I hate myself for that, but I’m trying this new thing where I own my feelings and embrace them. It’s not fun but it’s something I need to do.
I’m done rambling goodnight guys.
This one is going to be short and sweet. I have a lot to write about and I really need to write it all. A lot has been happening in the last few months. I’ve been running like crazy. I wanted to write tonight but I’m still utterly exhausted from my infusion. I swear I will catch up on writing this weekend. For now, I need to rest and clean. Thanks to hurricane Irma I think Jess will be paying me a visit again. Yay blogger visitors! I’ll link Jess’s blog when I’m not writing from my phone.
How has everyone been?! I missed everyone. Leave a comment and say hi and tell me what you’ve been up to. I’m slowly catching up on everyone’s posts but give me some help!
In an attempt to post more…. here is a quick picture tour of my now not so new apartment. Some of these photos are old. I didn’t feel like fully cleaning my room for these so whoops. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Don’t worry guys! I’m working on other posts!
Welcome to my apartment!
First up we have the kitchen. It’s the first thing you see when you walk in. The best part is the fridge because it’s oh so large.
Fun fact: I can’t reach the top shelf in the cabinets. I’m too short.
Next up we have the living room/dining room area. It’s not super big but just big enough. My couch fits perfectly 🙂
From the living room we have a lovely little patio. We now have a tomato plant and some spices growing on it.
Finally, we have my room. There is a second bedroom, but it is my roommates so no tour of that. Excuse my unmade bed.
I swear I was planning on finally catching up on all my blog posts yesterday BUTTTTTTT.
Well. I had my infusion yesterday and ended up feeling really sick to my stomach and getting a bad headache. So I went to sleep at like 7pm. WHYYY ARE THESE THINGS DOING THIS TO MEEEEE ALL OF A SUDDEND?!? I woke up maybe and hour ago and the headaches are back. The urge to vomit is also slowly coming back. Today is normally when the side effects of Remicade are the worst. I need to get out of bed soon though. I have to go get allergy tested at 10 because I’ve been having allergic reactions to food lately. Body what are you doing to me?!? I then need to try and survive a few hours of work. Last time I only made it through two. Even though I hate work as of lately, going there is still better than sitting home alone feeling miserable.
Until I can post again please enjoy this picture of my beautiful new niece. I’ll write a post about her soon!
My lovely Friend Shaz wrote me a nice letter last week. See below.
Source: A Letter to Meghan
I meant to write her back sooner but I was out of town and forgot my laptop. I also ran out of data so I couldn’t use my phone. My bad!
I was so excited to get your letter. I’m not going to lie, I was checking everyday to see if it was my turn yet. This letter will probably be a large ramble/responding to what you said.
First and foremost, I still love Ben and Jerry’s. Fun fact:I’m somewhat lactose intolerant so I don’t eat ice cream very often. When I do eat ice cream, I go straight for a pint of Milk and cookies or Brownie Batter Core. YUM. Now I want some.
I have loved your blog since I found it. I actually love it for the same reasons you love mine. I always look forward to reading your posts. Your life is like a tv show! I’m hooked. Awkward, that sounds creepy. I mean that in the nicest least creepy way!! I am so happy that I found your blog. I miss your regular posts, but I know that you are busy with school.
As for dating…..my mom finally gave up asking when I was giving her grandchildren. I am 25, almost 26. I tell everyone I’m never getting married and that I’m just getting a dog and a boat. My family just goes along with it. I made a point to start dating again after I moved closer to the city (back at the end of April). I did date a guy for about a month but that just kind of died off. Spoiler alert: JM (also known as not boyfriend) and I are back together. That explanation is for another post. My mom knows and likes to try to “subtly” check in on it. I think that is it so nice that you parents are so concerned about you. I also know that it can also get annoying sometimes.
Most of my friends are either getting engaged or are having kids. The struggle is real!! I am so proud that you made you “single-ness” into an empowering moment and not a poor me moment. I defiently let it get me down for a little while. I always questioned ” What is wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone want a life with me? Why don’t I deserve happiness like everyone else?!?” Sometimes all of this still upsets me, but like you, I try to find empowerment in it all. I’m smart. I’m a fun person. I’m cute. I’m awkward and silly in all the best ways. One day we will find someone who deserves us Shaz. We are too strong and too smart to just settle. I’ve seen so many people get married just to do it. I swear I will never do that!
I hope one day our paths will cross! I agree with you, I think we would be great friends. I’m picturing all of wacky adventures now. It would be like we had our own sitcom. It would be great! Even Paul would watch it.
Thank you so much for writing me! Please feel free to write me again one day!!
PS: I am also very ADD. I have been super medicated since I was 5. That’s why my posts are so….well half thoughts and all over the place! I gave up trying to write in a “composed” manner.
Pss: I’ve been off meds for two and a half years now.
Here is a short sweet list of why I’m in a bad mood today :
1) tmi – that time of the month is just ending so I’m already moody to begin with
2) A month or two ago a rock hit my windshield while I was driving. It left a small crater no less than a quarter on my windshield. I had been putting off fixing it until today… yesterday I noticed three line growing out of the crater. They were harmless. Today they have quadrupled in size and are now starting to obstruct my view. On Monday, I’m trading $324 for a new windshield. ** cries in corner**
3) my manager is being a pain
4) Jm was supposed to come home with me this weekend and bailed because he’s freaking out about it -_- ugh
And that is why I’m in bad mood my friends.
I’m giving myself the bad blogger award. I just had to go back and read my old posts to even see what I wrote about last. I know I always say this but…. I’ve been meaning to blog. I’ve actually had a lot of things to write about but I’ve been busy. Life has been happening and I’ve just been going along for the ride. Here are some future posts to look forward to:
-Baby showers and Bachelorettes
-Meghan’s dating life (lol)
-moving updates (because I meant to post pics of my new place three months ago..)
– medical marijuana: a debate
There will probably also just be a life updates somewhere in there too.