Meghan lives !

Posted on December 28, 2018

Oh yes hey hi hello.

I think we all have figured out that I rarely post on here anymore. Let’s be honest, I’ve looked at WordPress less than ten times in the last few months. I just didn’t really feel the need to write anymore.

When I first started this blog , it was a therapeutic tool. It helped me deal with my anxiety, stress, depression etc. I still am known to go on a drunk anxiety rant or two ( see previous few posts), but those are far less frequent these days. My mental health still isn’t perfect. I still have “blah periods” as I like to call them. The difference now is that I’m better at dealing with it. I got formally diagnosed. I got medicine. I’ve learned how to better talk to people and reach out when I need it.

So why am I writing this now you ask?? Well….. I’m going to try ( emphasis on the word try) to start blogging again. This blog will be taking a shift though. It will be shifting to more of a health and fitness blog. UGH. I know. Feel free to unfollow now. I’m not trying to get all preachy here and tell people how to live. This is a tool to merely track my journey. Some back story.

I’ve been athletic my entire life. I played loads of spots as a kid and was always high energy. I was also very small and scrawny growing up. I was a good athlete but I was always missing something. Strength. I had trouble gaining weight and it’s hard to build muscle when you’re already under weight. I was never really that self conscious about my size until I was in my teens. People we “maturing ” wayyyyy faster than me. In middle school people were getting boobs while I looked like a 5 year old boy. It didn’t bother me that much yet. At least I was skinny ??? It wasn’t until the summer before freshman year of high school that I found out I had Crohn’s disease. I’ve written about that before so you can Google it. Basically, my insides were all inflamed and hadn’t been properly absorbing nutrients for god knows how long. This is where the body issues truly began. I was constantly on medicine that made my body do all sorts of weird things. I was still scrawny and shapeless but at least I was finally gaining some weight. I don’t think I actually hit puberty until I was around 16 or 17 and I didn’t really get boobs until college (and they barely exist at that). I always joke that would have probably been way sluttier in college if I actually had boobs and wasn’t so self conscious. Just to be clear my definition of slutty was kissing three different guys in one night. God forbid someone see me without clothing. I was too self conscious for that.

Throughout college I finally got to a healthy weight. I don’t think I actually gained the “freshman 15” until I was off on my own in the adult world. In the last two years I’ve definitely gained weight. This is all due to depression, bad eating habits, and injuries. I’m not “overweight” by any means. But, I’m also not happy with the way my body looks. There are some areas that have become rather pudgy. There is forever the a vicious circle in my head telling me I need to be the anorexic looking skinny I was pre Crohns diagnosis. That skinny was ingrained in my brain as “normal” for a good half of my life. I fight an internal battle constantly of where the line falls between living healthy and living unhealthy (aka not eating ).

Over the last few months I’ve started lifting on top of my normal running. I’m finally starting to see muscle definition in my arms and legs. So much that even my family noticed over Christmas. Seeing muscle gain and still being displeased with some areas, I’ve decided I’m going to do my first weight cut in January. Don’t worry, I’m a healthy enough weight now that I can afford to lose some. I’m somewhere between 135-140lbs. The lowest I can get down to (without my doctor getting mad) is 115-120. My goal is around 120-125.

This is where the blog comes in. I’m hoping to use this as a tool to 1) hold myself accountable 2) make sure I’m doing this in a safe and healthy way and 3) to track my progress. I’m working with friends who are very knowledgeable in the gym and in weight cuts. I have a friend who is a trainer I can go to with questions. I’m not doing this on my own this time.

Wish me luck guys.

Ps: I have a full running schedule ahead of me next year. Two half marathons, a 10k and hopefully a full marathon. Yikesss.

pss: photos taken over the last month or two for reference.